The disappearing Act

The past is what makes the future...

The past is what makes the future...

It's never so easy to erase the harsh memories that etch themselves in the human mind. Of all the mistakes they make, and what they could have done to prevent them. How things could have been better, how it could have been changed.

I didn't realize this. I always let the past go easily. What happened, happened, and there was no way to change it. Though a friend taught me, you can change the past... in one way of the meaning. There is always something you can do to right a wrong, it's just a matter of doing it.

That's the same day I learned that phrase that repeats itself in my head...

The past is what makes the future...

The same day that she made the biggest impact choice that effected mine.




December 11^th, there was an assembly for pep band, something that my school always did. I was pumped, as well as excited that my friend Lola, participated in it to do a magic act for the school.

We were always close, one of the greatest friends at that school. Norah and Lola, everyone knew us. We had days where we wear matching shirts, like black Mondays, and Red shirt Wednesday. We would even switch one show around just to be silly. She has always been a great friend. I will admit though, she's been though some rough times. But for the last few weeks, she's seemed brighter, better. I'm happy for her.

The lights start to dim and I sit back in my seat.

Our Principal talked for a while, saying hello to the students or whatever. I wasn't paying attention. I was gazing off in my own world until things got intrusting.

I perked up when he said “now give a big hand to Lolita Infinity!”

I sit up more so I could see her walk onto the stage; she appears from dark blue heavy curtains, letting her feet slide across the light, polished oak flooring. She wore a white shirt, that sort of hung across her body as though it was made of wisps of air. Her jeans were baggy, just the way she liked them, same way I liked to wear my jeans to. Her long dark drown hair hung down her back in a pony tail. Flattened down so it looked like chocolate pouring off her head. Three of the foot ball jockeys walked behind her, wearing their usual Varsity jackets and a blank stair. I had thought Lola hated those guys, but I guess she just needed them to help her with her act. She had said she's been practicing for a long time.

She stood at the mike, adjusting it a little so it was her height. The jocks in the back brought a box of wonders to her feet.

“Hello my fellow peers,” She said loudly, I started to smile, seeing that she was confident, something that she always struggled with. It's grate seeing her this way. She continued to speak in that tone. “Today I'll be doing a magic act. But, along with this magic act, I will tell a little story. Then at the end, I'll do the biggest act this school has ever seen.”

She pulled out a little top hat.

“This is how it goes: There was this girl, who was new to a school. She's always been home schooled, so going a public school with so many people was really different. She hoped that she could make lots of friend.” That's when she pulled out a piece of pink paper, a large one at that, with the the word 'wishes' written in a thick black marker.

“Make sure you remember that this paper is perfectly intact,” she said while she dropped it into the hat. “She stayed hopeful, while work started to add up.” She dropped in more paper, some actual home work. “She got some D's, some B's, and a few F's. She worked so hard to get nothing but A's.” More papers went into the hat. “The teachers were hard on her, and she couldn't get any help, so she was on her own. But she hung on.

“Then, she heard some words one night, that ruined her hopes...”

She held up a little sticky note, with the word 'hopeless' on it and dropped it in.

“Now you see, the little girl wanted to be a doctor, more then anything in the world. That's why she worked so hard. She wanted to be the best doctor, discover the cure for cancer, help people.

“But that night, someone said, she couldn't. She couldn't be the best, there was no way she could do it. She couldn't be the best like she wanted, they said that it was impossible.” Lola held up the hat for everyone to see. There was nothing in it.

“That girl held it in, held back the tears and the crushed dreams, until...”

She tapped the hat and everything fell out, burying her feet in the clutter.

“All the tears came loose. All that hard work to have her dream smashed.”

She bent down, and picked up two pieces of paper. One was the sticky note, that was now tree times bigger. The pink paper was... destroyed. No one oohed at the amazement; not one foot shuffled, not one person stirred.

“Hey, stick with me,” Lola said with a laugh. “There's more to the story.” She reached inside the box again, and pulled out a newspaper.

“Now, even though the little girl was crushed, she fell pretty hard for a boy. One named... Nathan.”

My heart started to go a bit faster when she said that. I knew him, I remember her obsession with the guy. He was cute and sweet, but I remember when Lola tried to get to know him, he ignored her. Shot her down when she asked if he wanted to go to the homecomming dance with her. She was crushed. I thought she was over it. Now I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

“Oh she LOVED him! To her, he was the best guy in the world. Now, pretend this news paper, is a heart. Now, look at it. This was her heart, whole, in tacked, pure. But she just wanted some love to go with it.

“Now with some people, when they get ignored by someone they didn't anything to, that same person who they only loved from a distance, this happens.” She ripped it in half. “The same thing happened with her. But, she cared for this boy. She just wanted to see him happy.

“He dated other girls...”

She ripped it again.

“Didn't even bother giving her a chance...”

Again...

“Shot her down and ignored her very existence!”

She tore it until it was confetti. I could see her eyes from the seat I sat in; they were red. She must be holding back tears.

“Now... with some people, this happened.” All of a sudden, the paper was intact. “The girl, however, didn't have that luxury. It wasn't the fact she couldn't date him that hurt her; it was the fact she wasn't worth a small chance.”

Lola threw the paper over her shoulder, and pulled another item from the box: Two rings, hooked together. I've seen this one so many times...

“This is a lame trick, but, it's part of the story. Now, think of it as friendship, these two rings. The girl once had a very close friend...” While she spoke, she put locks in between the linked rings. “They were the best of the best. Her friend was named Cora...”

I remember her, Lola use to hang out with her all the time. Until she moved to Alaska at least...

“They could tell each other everything. They piratically became sisters. But one day...”

There were five locks on those rings, and she ripped the rings apart, neither of them looking broke. The locked fell, still locked. “She never saw her again...”

Usually, there was some butt-hole in the back talking. This day, no one did. I guess they could feel the sorrow seeping from Lola's words...

“That girl couldn't handle being alone like that, so... she looked for a new friend... someone that she could talk to... to share her feelings with...”

She held up one of her black shirts from the box... along with one of mine. My stomach dropped six feet.

Lola started trying the shirts together. “Now, they were close, like her and Cora, but... her friend, did something to her...”

Lola held a lighter under the shirts until they caught fire, and laid them on the floor, letting them burn up.

“All that girl did for her friend was be there for her when she cried. Every nights, she waited for her friend to call. Sometimes, that friend was with her other friends, and couldn't, but Lola waited anyway, hoping that she cared enough to text her or something.

“That friend started hiding secrets from the girl... started lying to her face. Making that girl feel like she didn't deserve the truth. She started hanging out with friends, without showing enough compassion to text the girl that she wouldn't be able to talk, and made her wait hours upon hours for her. Without knowing, that girl was burning... with sadness and anger...”

Tears were falling off her face and into the flames. It was so quite in the room, that we could hear them sizzle. I was feeling sick to my stomach. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to run up there and hug Lola and tell her that I was sorry, but her words pinned me to my seat. It felt like my heart stopped beating.

“Every time, that girl was proved to, that Norah wasn’t as good of a friend that she wanted to believe. She hurt her more then anyone else. More then the people who called her an emo because she was always sad. More then the strangers who used her, because she wanted to make people happy. Norah, hurt that girl, so much. That girl felt like she didn't deserve trust, she didn't deserve a friend to make her feel better...”

The shirts stopped burning, and she picked up the ashed. From the ashes, was my shirt; untouched by the flames. Flawless.

“Norah was fine, but the girl wasn't.”

The Jocks stood around on the edges, looking very edgy. My whole body started shaking.

Lola looked at the audience, her face smothered in pitiful sadness. “Wanna know the only thing she heard, to cope with the pain...?”

Silence...

“Let it go.... funny right? Let it go. Like it was so fucking easy! Let it go! News flash every one!”

She grabbed the microphone, holding it close to her mouth and yelling.

“THAT GIRL WAS ME! I've been hurting with these emotions for years, and all you can fucking say is let it go!? Let it go!? Let me tell you this, you can't let go of the past. The past is forever there. You may not be able to change what you've done, but there's always a chance to right a wrong! And non of you lazy asses took that chance to right all the wrongs you've done to me!”

Every one went into a state of shock. The teachers and the Principal were still. It was like everyone was frozen in a thin layer of ice... it didn't even look like they were breathing.

“The past is what makes the future...” Lola said. “If the past didn't matter, we wouldn't study it, we wouldn't have the ability to remember. The past, is not a piece of paper in the wind. You can't just let it go.*

At last, she reached into the box. The teachers rushed to the stage, but the football players kept them back. My numb legs pushed me up and foreword to Lola, being stopped by a Jock. I was screaming her name, with tears in my eyes as she held a gun to her head.

“And now, the final act...” She cried. “I will make myself disappear!”

And she did.